Sometimes I avoid writing a blog post because I feel I don’t yet have the answer to the question that originally inspired the writing of the post. Confused yet? I am.
But that’s a copout. We’re all sort of searching for answers or at least the smart ones are.
So here goes. For some time, I’ve heard from people I admire and respect that I am a leader. Flattered? Yes. Confused? Certainly. Because deep down I don’t really feel like a leader. I don’t have all the answers, my daily life is often chaotic and most of the time, I feel like a 16 year old in a big girl’s world. What if my decisions, recommendations or advice makes someone go off the proverbial cliff?
How do you grow into the role that people almost unanimously ascribe to you before you’re ready? I submit there are a few ways, you can decide which is right, which is wrong and which is just plain stupid:
1) Do nothing. I have, until recently, smiled demurely, downplayed my strengths and promoted those I thought (and still think) were more qualified than I to have a place in the spotlight: as an influencer, as a teacher, as a leader, as a winner. It is, certainly, the easiest way out of a path that is as comfortable as a baggy pair of pants that keep falling down (and seems as big). But it’s lazy. It’s lazy and it condemns one to a life of mediocrity at best and a boring, stagnant career at worst.
2) You lie. You pretend to know what you’re doing, never ask questions to which you don’t know the answer and play up minor accomplishments to prove your worth. This is all done in the hope that eventually, you will BE the person to pretend to be and finally feel comfortable in your “professional skin”. Sometimes this “fake it til you make it” strategy really works. My issue with it is two-fold: first, you’re lying and probably will eventually be called out; second, you can go broke leasing a Beemer to prove your net worth is higher than it actually is. Also I think (and I may be overstating my or anyone else’s personal accountability here) it’s disingenous. (younger) People are watching you.
3) You react. This is another strategy at which I excel in the execution. When faced with an issue, react first, figure out how to do it later. Research, Read, Bravado, Repeat. Reacting can be very useful in making your colleagues and employers believe you are indispensible but it can also derail a career in your strengths. Ex. I never knew how to make the iced tea at the restaurant where I worked. The big machines, the hot steam escaping, the whole ordeal terrified me and I was NOT interested in learning. Then one day my boss said “Make the iced tea”. I figured it out and did it and it worked. Which was great, until everyone started asking me to make the iced tea. I wanted to waitress for the tips and social aspect not be stuck in the back with huge vats of iced tea.
4) You leap. Sometimes if you throw enough stuff at the wall, something will stick. This is the general slogan of folks who leap. If you’re scared of too much responsibility, just jump into it and see. While this sounds like the best answer, I think it has to be girded by solid safety measures and planning. No one lets you jump out of a plane without training and a parachute. So find a mentor, learn from them, and then when enough people are screaming “JUMP!”, just do it.
So here’s my advice to anyone else struggling with leadership duties decidedly above their perceived pay grade: you’re not 16 anymore, you can find people smarter than you to guide you and you will fit into those pants someday. Promise.
Niiiice… love the open honesty.
And.. oh yes.. I go through this as well. Especially when I’m running my mouth among a group of folks in a profession which requires higher education as is the case in health care. Oh wait…that’s every day.
But education does not make a person a leader… it does not make a person “smart”… and it does not give a person common sense. It makes them “educated.” So, please be careful with the idea of “mentor.” Be certain mentors emulate the values important to you. If their values are not aligned with yours, their motives may be quite different than yours. And, that could present an internal conflict for you down the road. Monitor your feedback loop for information validating your belief in any of your mentors ideas and philosophies. Otherwise, being mentored becomes a matter of “irrational faith.”
Regarding the question you asked at the end of your first paragraph; “What if my decisions, recommendations or advice makes someone go off the proverbial cliff? Well…. What if it does? So what. Even when doing your best, you’ll still make mistakes. If one of your mentors/leaders makes a mistake, you’re basically going over the cliff with them…right? As the “leader”… they took a chance on something new… and as a follower… you took a chance on them. That’s 50/50 if you ask me. However, if you keep your faith in them on a rational level, you just might see the cliff coming and be able to warn them and/or save yourself from going over.
So… with that said… check those pants again and I think you’ll see they fit just fine. And… would’ja look at that; They match all your favorite shoes.
Who am I to say all of this? Absolutely nobody… but that does not mean I’m not right. And, if I’m wrong… I hope someone shows me I’m wrong, in a civilized fashion, so I can change my mind for the better.
The off-the-cliff thing? We try to help others develop good problem-solving abilities so that they’ll know if they can jump over the chasm. If they’re really advanced, they may fly.
Thanks for a post that made me think about what I’m doing and why – I don’t feel we do enough of that.
Love the iced tea story.
Each of us has a different style when we shoulder responsibility. 1 and 2 don’t cut it any more. Seems to me that 3 and 4 are where we go when we’re serious about making a contribution.
Nice work, and congrats on your 2-year blogging anniversary this month…
It’s nice getting a peak inside of that mind of yours. Thanks for sharing.
I love your writing, Maren. And I need a kick in the pants every now and then. Truth is I also don’t see myself as a leader until I see someone following me. That gives me the energy most times to be the person they need me to be.
Let’s have coffee soon and catch up before ERE in March!