Sometimes I avoid writing a blog post because I feel I don’t yet have the answer to the question that originally inspired the writing of the post. Confused yet? I am.

But that’s a copout. We’re all sort of searching for answers or at least the smart ones are.

So here goes. For some time, I’ve heard from people I admire and respect that I am a leader. Flattered? Yes. Confused? Certainly. Because deep down I don’t really feel like a leader. I don’t have all the answers, my daily life is often chaotic and most of the time, I feel like a 16 year old in a big girl’s world. What if my decisions, recommendations or advice makes someone go off the proverbial cliff?

How do you grow into the role that people almost unanimously ascribe to you before you’re ready? I submit there are a few ways, you can decide which is right, which is wrong and which is just plain stupid:

1) Do nothing. I have, until recently, smiled demurely, downplayed my strengths and promoted those I thought (and still think) were more qualified than I to have a place in the spotlight: as an influencer, as a teacher, as a leader, as a winner. It is, certainly, the easiest way out of a path that is as comfortable as a baggy pair of pants that keep falling down (and seems as big). But it’s lazy. It’s lazy and it condemns one to a life of mediocrity at best and a boring, stagnant career at worst.

2) You lie. You pretend to know what you’re doing, never ask questions to which you don’t know the answer and play up minor accomplishments to prove your worth. This is all done in the hope that eventually, you will BE the person to pretend to be and finally feel comfortable in your “professional skin”. Sometimes this “fake it til you make it” strategy really works. My issue with it is two-fold: first, you’re lying and probably will eventually be called out; second, you can go broke leasing a Beemer to prove your net worth is higher than it actually is. Also I think (and I may be overstating my or anyone else’s personal accountability here) it’s disingenous. (younger) People are watching you.

3) You react. This is another strategy at which I excel in the execution. When faced with an issue, react first, figure out how to do it later. Research, Read, Bravado, Repeat. Reacting can be very useful in making your colleagues and employers believe you are indispensible but it can also derail a career in your strengths. Ex. I never knew how to make the iced tea at the restaurant where I worked. The big machines, the hot steam escaping, the whole ordeal terrified me and I was NOT interested in learning. Then one day my boss said “Make the iced tea”. I figured it out and did it and it worked. Which was great, until everyone started asking me to make the iced tea. I wanted to waitress for the tips and social aspect not be stuck in the back with huge vats of iced tea.

4) You leap. Sometimes if you throw enough stuff at the wall, something will stick. This is the general slogan of folks who leap. If you’re scared of too much responsibility, just jump into it and see. While this sounds like the best answer, I think it has to be girded by solid safety measures and planning. No one lets you jump out of a plane without training and a parachute. So find a mentor, learn from them, and then when enough people are screaming “JUMP!”, just do it.

So here’s my advice to anyone else struggling with leadership duties decidedly above their perceived pay grade: you’re not 16 anymore, you can find people smarter than you to guide you and you will fit into those pants someday. Promise.

Ah, communication. My major in college, the source of many debates, books, articles and yes blog posts. If we miscommunicate, arguments result, feelings are hurt and marriages, businesses and relationships fail. There’s a lot at stake within the boundaries of communication.

I apologize for yet ANOTHER John Mayer song title  (I don’t really. I love him.), but this one seemed apt. See, words can get jacked up by a lot of things and very often we miscommunicate what we really intend. But sometimes, we meet people who say EXACTLY what they’re feeling and mean every last word.

Usually, those people fall into the following categories: crazy, famous so no one tells them they’re crazy, too old to give a crap and smarter than anyone reading (or writing) this post. They often get a lot of grief for yelling and screaming and not sugar-coating their words. They don’t really fit in. And if there’s no medical reason for their over-honesty, they are often written off as bullies, saboteurs or worse. And heaven help us if that person is a woman.

My mom used to say “Just because you’re not yelling and screaming doesn’t mean you’re not saying hurtful things.” She was dead on right. While the yellers and screamers are mocked, punished, raked over the coals and slapped on the hand for uncouth and unseemly behavior; the wilier provacateurs tend to get off scot-free. This behavior, while just as abusive and harmful to workplace productivity (and meaningful conversation on ANY given topic), is overlooked, excused away or worse, ignored. And you guessed it, women do it more than men.

And while a yeller might raise more of a ruckus, a passive aggressive destructor can do even worse damage, effectively clearing the playing field, using a sweet voice and a trail of hurt feelings behind.

What’s up with that? Do you have someone in your life that is a passive-aggressive destructobot? How do you deal?

PS I’m a yeller. Just say what you need to say.

Someone mentioned recently that I shouldn’t focus on HR, because HR is…not long for this world. Instead, I was told to hone in on talent management. Interesting idea. It gets back to the dead horse I like to beat called “semantics”. Again, I will say that is DOES matter what you call something, even if in popular culture the phrases are used synonymously.

But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about whether or not he was right. There’s been much speculation about the state of HR, HR getting a seat at the table, whether recruiting is a part of HR, whether HR is a valid business function, whether HR is dead. . .you get the point.

So, to say that HR is not long for this world, or that we should cease to put any thought or marketing power behind it, is to say the least, an interesting concept.

Here are the things he could have meant:

1. HR as a term is dead. Maybe he meant that the terminology is going to change but that the basic functions of human resources will re-congeal (terminator 2 like) under a new banner, like talent management. This will blow for those with HR proudly emblazoned in their domain name. But I don’t think that’s what he meant. When business speak changes, the social web is quick to adapt and aside from a few domain name changes, this is hardly a bump in the marketing road.

2. Viewing Humans as Resources is dead. This is a popular theory in my head where I’ve been turning this phrase over and over since I heard it. This is the most likely scenario. So often we hear about the talent economy and how intangible assets and the knowledge worker are becoming a reality. More and more companies are realizing that their employees were never really “theirs” anyway and it’s not such a bad thing right? because it’s the talent they bring to the organization that moves it forward. Right. So managing talent maybe a better way (semantics or no) to look at the business of resources.

3. That the fundamental idea of work is changing and human resources (or anything that looks like it but is named differently) is simply not needed anymore. If people are changing jobs at a faster rate than ever before, is it worth it to pay the equivalent of 1/4 of their salary to find and hire them? If your employees see themselves not as “lifers” but as “consultants” who happen to be at your company for now, should you manage heavy, bureaucratic programs for them? I wonder what the answer is. If your employees are at your company to learn something and constribute something and move on, will you spend money on leadership training? Hmmmm. Maybe the entire function will queitly blend into its respective departments, putting hiring managers back in control of hiring and managing talent. Maybe not.

Regardless of the answer (for my money it’s number 2) it makes me wonder if we’re prepared for it. We write blog posts, have in-depth (sometimes heated) discussions, organize chats, attend webinars and continue to run a pretty bustling little economy here in the industry space. But are we slow dancing in a burning room?

Here is a link to a post that has been maing the rounds. It basically dissects the gender makeup of some of the largest social networks and finds, save digg.com, that many of them are skewed toward women. (not a lot, like 60/40) Anyway, it’s being touted as “Who rules the social web?” and I wonder about that. I mean, I think countless studies have shown that women are naturally more social creatures than men (at least generally) so it stands to reason that women would jump at the chance to extend social influence faster, more efficiently and with a broader reach. The folks I see scratching their chins in consternation over social media/recruiting et al are ALWAYS men. Is the question “Who rules social media?” even a good one? I mean, women have always controlled social circles but only recently has that colluded with any sort of power to effect change.

I dunno, rambling I guess. Just curious if anyone else thought this was earth shattering news or if the infographic was what was getting people all hot and bothered.

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/2009/who-rules-the-social-web/

(PS: this comes shortly after reading and watching The Duchess, about the Duchess of Devonshire, a women who held oodles of social influence in her hands and sway and was in essence powerless in society. Fascinating.)

Yesterday I was running around my neighborhood and I ran past as house that has a sagging roof, peeling paint and a yard so overgrown that I chose to run in the street rather than risk any gross nature germs getting on me. As I ran by, I saw a sign, nearly hidden next to the broken (open) rusty gate. “Private Property. No Trespassing.”

I stopped running and just stood there looking at the perfectly lovely houses surrounding it (none of which had a stupid sign) and laughed. Sure dude, keep me out, we’re all clamoring to get in to your nasty yard. Then I yelled “Don’t nobody want to come in your yard anyway.” and then I ran really fast because who knows who lives there?

Thinking about that got me thinking about transparency and what it means and what it looks like and how arrogance is a large part of transparency or lack thereof. Here’s what I mean:

1) Protecting your updates. What that says to me is that you are arrogant. You presume to throw yourself on stage and then shut the curtains. It’s ridiculous and anyone with half a brain can see through the pseudo-humility being displayed. The other thing it could mean is that you are a stalker-attractor and therefore a little wacko anyway. Got a good reason for jumping on the social media bandwagon and hiding under a blanket? Leave it in the comments.

2) Closing or overmoderating comments. When I say overmoderating, I mean moderating out anything that isn’t SPAM or offensive (racist, sexist, profane etc). If you aren’t posting comments because they disagree with the crux of your post, even if you believe they’re wrong, then you are guilty of overmoderating. If you want a website where you are the grand poobah decider of all things, then have one, just don’t expect us to throw our well-crafted similies at your feet for fear they won’t be posted.

3) Being a super snob. Not replying to your @s (not every single one obviously, just the ones that invite response) and undermoderating your blog comments (big guilty person right here folks) are two ways to make people feel as if their opinions don’t matter. There are lots of folks whose blogs are no great shakes but they’ve learned to invite comments and become, in essence, salon directors, skilled at inspiring conversations and encouraging discussion.

4) Not minding your own beeswax. Most people won’t like this one. When twitter came out with the feature that made it so we all couldn’t see each other’s replies, I was relieved. Because I’ll tell you sometimes I can’t take the backslapping, flirting, you-promote-me-and-I’ll-promote-you stuff that goes on around here! If you’re having a conversation that is the professional equivalent of “No… you’re the best”, I can really only deal with two iterations of that before wanting to smack someone. Of course, now all the smart quasi-braggarts have figured out a workaround so we can continue to listen to them say how great they all are.

5) Retweeting how awesome someone else says you are. If I have to explain this, I don’t know what. (my husband said I do this but I don’t. One time someone said I was a crackhead or funny or something and I retweeted that because IT was funny.)

The fact of the matter is, I can understand a “Private Property” sign on a country club, a nice house, even by a smallish apartment pool if it’s clean. Your content, your personality and your brand will speak for itself. If you’re doing the above things, there’s no need to post a private property sign anywhere cuz don’t nobody want to come in your yard anyway.

The realtor was sweating profusely and rightly so. After showing me six houses in a five mile radius, he was tired of running up and down stairs, corraling cats so I could look at living rooms and answering my 20-30 questions regarding houses, the current market and life in general. I was getting tired as well and when we pulled up to the final house, I was reluctant to go in. Peeling paint, sagging roof, overgrown weeds and a sign that said “Do Not Enter” didn’t help matters. I almost told him to skip it. But he’d gotten permission to go in and I doubted he ever wanted to see me again, so venture into the house we did.

We walked slowly through the house, the poor agent apologizing for the animal feces, filthy conditions and millions of spiderwebs. I wasn’t listening, I was busy eyeing the 5 inch thick molding, the original (but dilapidated) wood floors and the 42 (YES 42!) windows. As the realtor and I talked outside about an offer, two boys whizzed by on their bikes and a neighbor walking his dog talked about the neighborhood in its glory days. I went home and told my husband that I’d found our next house.

That was four years ago. Now we’re active in the HOA, have ice cream socials, and I frequently get stopped by neighbors who tell me my house is one of the prettiest on the block (not my garden, my house. I know my limits.) We have a huge home in an established neighborhood and plenty of room for all the kids we could ever wany (although we’re stopping at 3).

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I think we’re getting too caught up in WHAT IS. Sitting in a ruinous economy, lamenting the lack of jobs, frustrated with less benefits, smaller paychecks and broken companies, we neglect to see the opportunity before us. I’m an analogy girl so here’s what I think we should do:

Grab a bottle of bleach and a broom: The first thing I did was clean the place up. It wasn’t easy and it was a big job. But we recruited a ton of friends to come in and help us sweep, mop, knock out cupboards, mop, disinfect and rip out carpet. That’s Phase 1. It makes the place liveable. What can you be doing to clean up the mess around you? Not fix it just yet, just clean it.

Knock down some walls: Over time the house had been added to. New rooms were built, porches were enclosed, apartments subdivided. All these barriers had to come down in order to make this a suitable dwelling for us. It was dirty and you don’t want to know what we found in those walls but we persisted (in fact, I don’t think I am legally allowed to take any more walls out of my home). Do you see barriers that were erected during different times? Are they still relevant today? If not, get rid of them.

Sand and Paint: My entire family will laugh when they see this because I never sand when I paint. You know what happens when you don’t sand first? The paint comes right off at the first sign of adversity. Sanding is a refining process (that’s why to buy so many sheets of stupid sandpaper), the grit gets finer with every pass. Before you can truly change the color of something, you have to prepare the surface. What needs refining in your organization? Create a plan, refine it, implement and then refine it again.

Pretty up the outside. The outside of our house was the last thing to get revamped. We ripped out fences, attempted to control the weeds, painted the house, added shutters and eventually a new roof. All these things were important but had to wait until the inside was habitable and a pleasant place to be. I see so many trying to create a personal or employer brand without actually doing any of the things that make them interesting people, expert speakers or great companies with which to work.

There’s a commonality in the above list. All of the steps require hard work. A different person would have walked away from this big, old, ugly house. Unfortunately, none of us have the opportunity to walk away from the situation facing our workforce and some long-established guidelines that many recruiters, marketers, and HR Professionals have lived with (quite comfortably) for a long time. We have to see what it could be, not what it is.

Last year, I wrote a post about why I was going to the first ever RecruitFest. I didn’t understand it, didn’t know how many people would be there, and at the time wasn’t even sure I would stay in the Recruiting Industry in any capacity.

I went, I experienced and wrote about it here. Lots of other people went and wrote about it here. I had already been to a couple of conferences and hoped that RecruitFest would be different, and it was, for some very key reasons.

1) I was brand new. I had no idea what I was talking about but was starting to form some opinions. RecruitFest gave me the opportunity to share those opinions with others, at the same volume and on the same level with people who get paid lots of money to share their opinions.

2) My barriers were taken away. It’s easy to navigate a conference, drink in one hand, stack of business cards in another and maintain your professional decorum, feminine mystique and aloof disinterest. The same cannot be said for trying to hold a drum between your thighs and not screw up the beat in front a of a roomful of smiling (yeah! smiling) recruiters.

3) If I didn’t show up, people noticed. When there are less than a hundred people, your presence (or lack thereof) is noted. In my opinion, this creates accountability and respect. Not just for the track leaders (not speakers!) but for every person in the room with enough guts to share their opinions and thoughts.

4) No cliques. Yeah there are cliques and yeah I’m in some of them. The thing is, if you’ve not been to a lot of these things, it can be very intimidating to walk up to a group of people and stick your hand (neck) out there and ask for acceptance. At RecruitFest you can because the people there are there to build relationships.

5) You get called out. I’ll never forget Craig Silverman telling me my website sucked in front of a roomful of recruiters (Dave Perry being one of them!) I was mortified. I was embarrassed. I was…sorta pissed. BUT, I changed the website. He was right. It did suck. The fact that Craig Silverman had checked out the website of a tiny recruiting firm in Omaha, NE told me a lot about him and the world I was recruiting in.

6) Everyone was just like me. We didn’t look alike, or act alike or even have all of the same professional goals. But there was something very real that united us all. We all cared enough about what we did to make the trek to Canada, to have an open mind about a drum circle, to pay out of our pockets to be in that room, talking with one another. Even the speakers were there to learn.

Now a year (or so) later, I’m working on RecruitFest! from the inside. But I’d be going even if I wasn’t. Because the people I met for the first time last year are my friends now and in an age where my community aren’t just the people who live in close proximity to me, but my friends from different states and countries, RecruitFest takes relationship to a new level.

I’ve heard some people say they could build relationships just as easily on the phone or through video chat. Maybe that’s true. No, check that. It isn’t. Even people I’ve met at other conferences don’t have the relationship that my RF friends and I do. Because the conversations that propel that intimacy happen in the hallways, at the lunch table, on the second day when you’re all too tired to pretend to be impressive anymore. And RecruitFest is built around THOSE conversations. The ones where everyone has an equal voice, an equal say and there are no podiums or microphones. I hope you come!

There’s been some talk about transparency, authenticity and all the synonyms in between. And regardless of your personal view about any of those things and what they mean to you, the mere presence of the buzz surrounding them in everything from Inc. to CIO Magazine means that for whatever reason, their meaning or our perceived meaning of them, is important.

So as you market your business, promote your personal brand or even job hunt, you need to pay attention to walking the line. Here’s why: Half the time personal branding gurus are telling you sell yourself, promote your skills, etc. The other half the time, you’re being told to be yourself, stay in your niche, be passionate and authentic.

Walking the fine line between promotional and organic is something to pay careful attention to whether you’re a professional marketer or a regular person trying to figure out the game of social media (make no mistake, this is very much a game). For a marketer, the promotional stuff is easy. It’s what they teach you in college: write well, find the hook, build a process, distribute as fast and as loud as you can. But it’s not so obvious for the rest of us.

You’ve probably read this far hoping that I would provide some great three step process or surefire way to walk the line with social media. Sorry to disappoint. The reason this is so difficult is that it’s different for every person, company and organization. But here are some guidelines that can help you find your own personal boundaries:

1) What do you hate? Do you delete people who “pollute your twitterstream”? Does it make you angry when business connections spam you on Facebook? Do you feel business networking should involve some element of personal knowledge? Pay attention to what works ON you and FOR you when others are successfully (or not) marketing to you is a great indicator of where your comfort lines are.

2) Pay attention to what works in REAL life. We’re in lots of social situations all the time: church, school, work, sports. Would you walk up to a group of people and hand them your card and loudly proclaim yourself a guru? I hope not. You would introduce yourself at an appropriate time, listen to the conversation and see if you could add anything of interest when asked. So think about whether you would do what you’re about to do online, in real life.

3) Define your goals. This is a really tough one. Sometimes it seems like the people breaking all the rules are “winning the game”. But that’s only if you measure success by number of followers, retweets, and friends. Many might disagree with me, but I don’t think that’s a great goal. We’re so often asked for metrics and “proof” that social media works, that we latch onto the numbers as though they mean something. They don’t. If you have a defined goal (getting a new job, creating a conversation with a specific group of people, staying on the trending edge of your industry) you’ll can work out a strategy that includes actions that will lead to that goal and you’ll avoid the pitfall of thinking more @s means more influence.

4) Don’t go against your own grain. Are you a quiet person? Then don’t tweet 20 times a day because some expert told you it was smart marketing. Do you love to talk? Then nod and smile when Mr. Business hotshot tells you you’re too verbose. I understand the desire to apply a process more than anyone out there but trying to be something you’re not always plays as false.

5) Count to 20. I never do this but it’s good advice. When I would play outside as a kid, I never wanted to go inside to the bathroom. My fear was mom would see me and tell me to come in for the night. So no matter how badly I had to go, I would stop and count to 20. It worked most of the time. When you’re in a “comment war” or chat session or about to tweet or blog something that makes your stomach feel funny. Count to 20. Count to 50. And then…walk the line.

It is a running joke between my husband and me, that I am incapable of answering “I don’t know” to any question posed to me. Even if I clearly do NOT know, I will guess, or make up a theory, or at least try to come up with an answer. It irritates him (and likely other people who don’t love me enough to say that I am irritating them) because sometimes people ask a question simply so they can tell you the answer. Or maybe to move along a story, or to clarify a point. But, in my adult time on this earth, I have learned that people rarely want to wait around for you to sit and think and dig around in the root of the words to see if you can figure the puzzle out witout their help.

If you’re wondering why I’m like this, here’s the reason. Every time we got into trouble as kids, Mom would say: “WHY did you do that?” and we would (predictably) say: “I don’t know” and then she would say “That is not an acceptable answer”. In essence she was forcing us to examine what drove us to an act of definace, disobedience or downright idiocy. It was a good lesson. Falling back on apathy or disinterest is not something that was allowed in our family and is rarely tolerated if you want to succeed in life anyway.

So my annoying habit actually has roots in a good lession. Here’s why I think saying “I don’t know” is not an acceptable answer:

Sometimes it’s the path of least resistance. This makes it easy to shrug off things that are hard or not fun or less than our “passion”.

If not followed up with a desire to FIGURE IT OUT, it’s just apathetic. It indicates a lack of desire to learn.

It keeps you from having to examine your issues. Why don’t you know?

Here’s why I think “I don’t know” is an acceptable answer:

It can indicate humility.

It’s honest. Sometimes you really don’t know.

It can be a catalyst to have someone wiser explain it to you.

It flies in the face of the expert/guru/genius flu that’s been going around lately.

What do you say when someone asks you a question? Do you try to figure it out? Do you let them explain it? Do you say “I don’t know”?

There’ve been a few (very good) posts floating around lately about how to treat your job search:

like a wedding (I would never do this because then my mother would be intimately involved in my job search and that is no bueno)

like a marathon (This is a no-brainer, marathons are very hard and very long and involve spandex. Who besides Lance Armstrong wears spandex?)

like an advertising campaign (who’s paying for all this anyway?)

like it’s yogurt (wait, lemme guess, get some culture?)

like a zombie (well, that’s pretty cool.)

And if that helps you, great. But sometimes, it’s really important to treat your job search like a job search. I know that there are still a lot of people out of a job and sometimes the desire is to do the shiny thing, the new thing, the cool thing. Instead of these (very boring) things:

- Figure your shtuff out. So many job seekers wound up at their position unintentionally. They don’t really know how to manage but their job title has manager in it, so they think they need to look there. Nope. Figure out what it was you did at your last job and the job before that, figure out which of those things you actually liked doing and which you were good at and then write that out. That is your new job description.

- Go beyond what you think you know. Chances are if you can do your job satisfactorily, you can do a harder job with more responsibility even better. It takes hard work and a willingness to learn. Even (GASP!) on your own time. News flash people! Work doesn’t exist to educate you. Education exists to educate you. Work is where you do things for money and if you have a good work ethic, you do them well and you learn more things because you are not a moron and know that no job lasts forever.

- Figure out where you fit. Just because a company has 20 openings that you can accomplish doesn’t mean you should apply for them all. And just because another company where you would be a perfect match doesn’t have any openings at all doesn’t mean you should rule them out. I’ll tell you a little something about job boards for the job seeker. They make you lazy. When applying for jobs becomes as easy as turning on a light, then you show your ignorance by getting crazy in the candy store. Ask yourself: Where do I want to work? What do I want to do there? Am I qualified enough for that? How can I get them to pay attention to me?

-Be serious. If you don’t think it’s important enough to ask these questions of yourself, spend time crafting and recrafting your resume, customize a cover letter for every job and network for a few months, then why should a potential employer take you seriously? This is a big decision for both of you, although it frequently feels like the company holds all the cards. Taking your job search seriously involves invoking one of the oldest similes (cuz it’s the truest): Treat your job search like a job. Because it is one. You don’t find a job and work, you don’t get paid. The end.

-Determined, not depserate. I think parents have a bit easier time of it when it comes to job seeking. They know that no matter what, they HAVE to get a job, because even if they are willing to eat Ramen, there’s no way Junior’s giving up Fruit by the Foot. This is a powerful motivator. Well, that and the idea that your family might be living out of the leased minivan if you don’t step it up. So be determined by all means: to get that second interview, to follow up with a call, to explain how you’re the absolute best person for the job. But desperation is a fragrant thing, so keep it at bay by knowing ahead of time what you absolutely WILL DO to feed yourself and your family and what you WILL NOT DO. This way, if and when you accept a mid level position when you’re used to the C-Level, it won’t be desperate but an optional part of the plan.

Hmmm, as I read through this I know it sounds a little harsh. I’m sorry. I’m currently developing a crankypants series of blogs and this must be included.